Dr. Branman’s Guide to Cosmetic Surgery Etiquette

When a friend or family member chooses to have a cosmetic procedure, responding with grace is essential. But how exactly should one react to mom’s facelift or a friend’s breast augmentation? The good news is that old-fashioned proper etiquette is here to guide you—even when it comes to plastic surgery.

Dr. Branman has outlined some common scenarios in which a small amount of tact can help you avoid awkwardness and keep the conversation sparkling.

Scenario 1: The Dinner Party

When you find yourself at a dinner party with a mixed group of friends and acquaintances and one of the guests has clearly had cosmetic surgery, it may be difficult to determine how you should react.

A. You think they look wonderful and are curious about what they’ve had done. How can you approach them?

Dr. Branman says: A well-chosen compliment is generally socially acceptable. Try to strike the right tone without calling any attention to the fact that they’ve had surgery.

Say something like, “You look amazing! Whatever you’re doing these days agrees with you.” This gives them an opportunity to either open up to you about what they’ve had done, or move on to a new subject if they aren’t comfortable revealing their beauty secrets.

B. You think their new look is less than desirable and you are worried about embarrassing them or yourself during dinner. How can you avoid being unkind?

Dr. Branman says: First off, put it out of your mind and whatever you do, don’t stare at their results. In conversation with this person, focus on their eyes and find positive, neutral topics, such as recent travel or hobbies you share. Made it through direct conversation with them? Excellent, but don’t start venting your opinions to others once they are out of sight: under no circumstances should you gossip about their choice. If you can’t say something nice, it’s best to say nothing at all.

Scenario 2: The Friend With New Breasts

If an uninhibited friend unexpectedly pulls you into the ladies’ room to show you her newly augmented breasts, you may find yourself at a loss for words. This scenario is much more common than you might think, so it’s wise to be prepared.

A. You think her breasts look amazing and you want to hear all about her choice! How do you start a conversation?

Dr. Branman says: Women with newly augmented breasts are often proud of their new look and eager to show their results to a close friend or two. If she’s willing to share her experience and you want to hear more, feel free to ask questions. By making the first move, she has invited you to discuss—she will probably be happy to tell all. Don’t have time to talk about it all right then? She’ll probably be flattered if you suggest a later one-on-one conversation where you can get all the details.

B. You think her actions are inappropriate and feel caught off guard. How do you keep calm and move on without a hitch?

Dr. Branman says: It’s natural for you to blush at first glance, but beyond that, keep your cool. Say something that is supportive but neutral, such as, “I’m so happy you like your results,” and then move on to a new subject. Try to understand that your friend probably didn’t mean to make you feel weird—she’s just excited and wants to share what has likely been a positive, life-changing event for her.

Scenario 3: Cosmetic Surgery Talk at Cocktail Hour

During cocktails, someone is talking openly about his or her cosmetic surgery experience and expecting you to have an opinion. Don’t be flummoxed and let the conversation dangle; there are solutions that can help avoid making the other person feel rebuffed.

A. You think it’s fantastic! How can you talk about cosmetic surgery in a smart and thoughtful way?

Dr. Branman says: Enthusiasm and openness are welcome if someone’s invited you to comment on their new look. If you’re interested in cosmetic surgery and enjoying the conversation, reply with an encouraging comment such as, “I’ve always wanted to learn more about that.”  Note that though they are being open about their procedure, it’s still safest to let them lead the conversation. If you are eager to grill them for details that go beyond cocktail party conversation, ask if you can get in touch with them about it later.

B. You feel uncomfortable or do not want to share your opinion on the matter. How do you kindly move the conversation along?

Dr. Branman says: If you don’t want to discuss their cosmetic surgery results, just smile and give them an opportunity to move on to a new subject by raising a toast to the hostess or occasion, or simply offering a “cheers!” By extending your glass, you are maintaining a friendly demeanor while also making it clear you’re ready for a new subject. If pressed, feel free to excuse yourself and join a new conversation.

Scenario 4: The Reunion

You are at your high school reunion and run into an old acquaintance. You can tell she’s definitely had cosmetic surgery, but are unsure how to navigate the hot topic.

A. You think she looks awesome and you’d like to compliment her new look.

Dr. Branman says: Compliments are fine, but avoid directly asking if she’s had work done in case she prefers not to talk about it. Saying something like, “The years sure have treated you well! I’d love to know your secret,” gives her an opening and if she cares to divulge, she will.

B. Out of her earshot, people start an unflattering conversation about her choice, making you feel uneasy.

Dr. Branman says: Gossip goes against good manners. However, when gossip comes up, you can choose to stay positive. Saying something like, “She looks happy to me! Why don’t we grab a drink and head for the dancefloor?” is likely to stop gossip in its tracks and redirect the conversation. If that isn’t successful, politely remove yourself from the conversation.

Scenario 5: The Friend Who’s Had a Facelift

A close friend has been out of town and the next time you meet, she looks substantially younger.

A. You are dying to ask her if she’s had cosmetic surgery, but she hasn’t brought it up.

Dr. Branman says: Even if you are the best of friends, asking if she’s had surgery is not polite unless she broaches the subject first. She may eventually tell you or she may not. In the meantime, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell her how wonderful and rested she looks after her vacation.

B. You listen as she tells you she’s had cosmetic surgery, but you disagree with her decision and think she looked fine before!

Dr. Branman says: Try to be happy for her if she’s happy—after all, your friendship is more important than how either of you looks on the surface. While you might disagree with her decision, it’s important to understand that she’s just been through surgery; you can even be flattered that she trusts you enough to open up about it. Most likely, you’ll soon become accustomed to your old friend’s new look, and the subject won’t come up after her initial healing period.

The Bottom Line

Etiquette and proper social graces rarely go out of style, particularly when it comes to a sensitive topic such as plastic surgery. Cosmetic surgery is a deeply personal decision and learning how to approach the subject tactfully can prevent embarrassment or hurt feelings. We like to think Emily Post would agree!